i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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