Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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