her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
