She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
