So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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