he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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