i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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