I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
