Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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