dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
