Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You made out with two different species that night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
