Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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