Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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