so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
