i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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