I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
