Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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