Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
