Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I believe in your delicious
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