There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
