Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
