Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
