running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
