Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
