We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
