I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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