It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
