I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it glows. i had to have it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
