I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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