Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
