drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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