i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
