i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize