If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
