Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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