I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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