This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
