He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
