News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
