i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
