What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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