They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
