So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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