Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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