I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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