Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
