____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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