just tell him i said nine months
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
