There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
