Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
