so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
