Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
