never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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