so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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