the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
