yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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