You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
