After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
