i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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