I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
