you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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