you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
