even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Actions speak louder than pants.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
