fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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